By the time I was married, my career was taking off.  Firms aggressively pursued me for my talents, and I was paid handsomely.  Despite having taken time off for children, my earning capacity and momentum was on a speeding trajectory that eclipsed Will’s.  I never really fully appreciated how much this sole fact drove a wedge up his nose.  His earnings potential surpassing mine was vital to our martial health.  I thought I was just doing my part to keep us afloat, but in his world, inequities could only run one way:  I had to earn less.  However, it was during this period of having babies; and theoretically setting myself up to finally earn less that I got the offer of a lifetime.  A firm wanted to move my family and me to Ireland for a three-year contract.  The compensation was spectacular, and with Will’s Irish heritage it seemed to be a no brainer.

The move overseas could also be great for our marriage.  No car payment, no mortgage payment.  I had a terrific job, making loads of money.  I thought that it would be a new, clean start for us.  I told him he could do anything…go back to school to get his master’s degree, stay at home and relax, get a job there.  It just didn’t matter, since my job gave us such security.

I recall saying things like: “Jeez, this move is great—we can travel around Europe and really reconnect. We won’t be burdened by all the issues we had here.”

And he’d respond with “Yeah exactly.”

Stupidly, I thought he was agreeing with me.  In reality, he was just yes-ing me.  He was just agreeing in words, but not principle.  I guess it was the path of least resistance for him.

Which brings us to the day he dropped the bomb.  In looking back, I realize that for him, it was again the path of least resistance.  At the time, I thought it was the most cruel, cowardly thing he could have done.  Actually, I still think that, but I’m less upset now.

It was late August, 1999.  We had sold our house and cars, and were moving to Ireland for my exciting new job.  But, I guess, in a way I’m getting ahead of myself again.  This all really started back in January of the same year.

Nicole Drapeau Gillen, Copyright 2016 All Rights Reserved